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You found me.

And you made me believe.

I was content to cajole, to sneer, when faced with things I felt were so hard to believe in.  I like you, I like being with you.  I am  happy when we’re together.  They were all just lines for a fool when you came along.  I’ve heard them thrown at me so many times, and so carelessly, they had come to mean nothing.  At best, they were considered mere efforts to get to somewhere they want to be.  Words that were always met with a suspicious glance and a cautious stare.  And with good reason too.

I was satisfied with the way things were going, until you came tumbling down the straight path I was trying to walk.  It was a familiar path, safe and sure, one that wouldn’t lead to hurt and anger yet again.  Meaningless and worthless, but also without the risks of endangering the heart.  Sometimes one just tires of the cycle.  Giving another a chance and waking up one morning to have that privilege thrown back at you, only because you gave it so freely and readily.  The workings of another’s minds one can always wish to read, but can never force to understand.

I had planned on staying on the course to freedom from pain at last, and you became my crossroad.  You were a surprising bend in the road that was inevitable but very avoidable.  Until now I don’t know why I chose to take that road to you.  Until now I don’t know what I did right to have been given that chance to choose again, when I clearly made it clear I will have nothing down that path for a long time.  It does work in mysterious ways, doesn’t it?

And just when I thought I was safe from all the pain, I found myself clinging to the thought that maybe, just maybe, it will be different this time.

I found I still had hope locked up in the very depths of my soul, if I just found enough strength to look.  I found I still had an urge to love and be loved, even after all the time I had denied the opportunity for fear of getting lost in the pain all over again.  I  found I had enough strength to move on.

I found all the things I thought I had lost along the bumpy way.  It wasn’t easy, but I am stronger for it somehow.  It wasn’t an ideal one, but I here I am still standing.  I found I had enough optimism to wish there might be a brighter future laying ahead.

I found I had a need to care for someone again, and be cared for.

I found someone to love and be loved by.

I found you.

And never had I discovered such a treasure until you.

~ by Thea on December 5, 2008.